if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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