i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
