Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
