went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
