The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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