I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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