haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
