just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
