It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
