He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Enjoy the penises
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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