Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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