happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
