As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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