i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
