Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
