we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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