Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
