then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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