If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you inspire me to be a worse person
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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