is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
