Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
