And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
