It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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