I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
