I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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