You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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