Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
