Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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