You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
