I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
