you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
