i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
