would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
