I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
