i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
