what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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