she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
