wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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