Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
