Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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