I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
