Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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