my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He passed out mid-signature
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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