its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
