Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
