He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
