The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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