It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
