Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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