i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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